†▲xoxo$×¹³²˙№◦∙∞∫ᴄʜᴀʀʟɪᴇ
Created in the Polyvore iPhone app. http://www.polyvore.com/iPhone
Yesterday I got actually proposed to. So now it's legit! I couldn't find the exact ring, but this ones damn close!
Yesterday I got actually proposed to. So now it's legit! I couldn't find the exact ring, but this ones damn close!
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Created in the Polyvore iPhone app. http://www.polyvore.com/iPhone
So I'm engaged. I'm buying a house. Yay.
I'm laying in bed next to bubby. He's sleeping tho. I can't sleep. Ugh. I have an appointment at 8. Jaksinsnssodknzxkkx.
I wanna cuddle.
So I'm engaged. I'm buying a house. Yay.
I'm laying in bed next to bubby. He's sleeping tho. I can't sleep. Ugh. I have an appointment at 8. Jaksinsnssodknzxkkx.
I wanna cuddle.
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Created in the Polyvore iPhone app. http://www.polyvore.com/iPhone
I'm home alone & bored. I want Rj.
I'm home alone & bored. I want Rj.
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I got these for Christmas, among many other lovely things.
So, I know that no one really reads these things anymore. But yeah.
Life update:
Life sux. Dad's dead. Suicide. Grandpa's dead. Parkinsons. I dropped out of school. I work three jobs. Two retail. One at a salon. Christmas sucks. Life sucks. I suck. Living with da boyf. <3.
We're moving in six months. To South Carolina. I'm getting my own apartment. Rj and I will finally have our own place.
I can't wait to decorate and have my own closet and my own living room and my own kitchen. Omg I'm so excited you literally have no idea.
You know, my life always seems so hectic until I go to document it. Then it never seems so bad. I think that's because the space I have to use compared to my life seems infinite. And my life.. isn't. It's so small and minuscule compared to the rest of the world, universe, etc. It will never, ever fill up that space, therefore it will never, ever be that significant. I don't know, whatever.
So, I know that no one really reads these things anymore. But yeah.
Life update:
Life sux. Dad's dead. Suicide. Grandpa's dead. Parkinsons. I dropped out of school. I work three jobs. Two retail. One at a salon. Christmas sucks. Life sucks. I suck. Living with da boyf. <3.
We're moving in six months. To South Carolina. I'm getting my own apartment. Rj and I will finally have our own place.
I can't wait to decorate and have my own closet and my own living room and my own kitchen. Omg I'm so excited you literally have no idea.
You know, my life always seems so hectic until I go to document it. Then it never seems so bad. I think that's because the space I have to use compared to my life seems infinite. And my life.. isn't. It's so small and minuscule compared to the rest of the world, universe, etc. It will never, ever fill up that space, therefore it will never, ever be that significant. I don't know, whatever.
Comment 1 like
My life always seems so hectic and crazy until i go to write it down, then it just looks so small and short.
Normally I'd just write all of what I'm about to down in a journal or something, but due to my extremely nosy boyfriend I feel like this is the best place to vent about life and love and friends and family and all that wonderfully confusing stuff. I honestly don't even know what to write about anymore. I mean, I do know. I just don't want to.
Let's see... I'm finding it nearly impossible to breakup with the boyf. Every time I try he freaks out and refuses to let me leave the hosue. And when I do finally leave, he just texts me. Nonstop. And calls me. Nonstop.
Two weeks ago I got really drunk. I was having a good time. LK And I went skinny dipping in the lake, everyone was smoking, we had the hookah. I was happy. But then LK tells me what her fifteen year old sister was getting creepy Tumblr messages from someone saying things like "I'd kill to have a chance with you" and whatnot. Then that anon gave her their number. It was my boyfs number. Now, he's 21. She's 15. He has a thing for 15 year olds. So I knew it was true. Stupid me grabbed my clothes, and my purse, and drove away. Boyf texted me all pis'sy about causing a scene and I needed to take Ryan home. So I came back got Boyf and Ryan and left to take Ryan home. I was visably pis'sed. I was speeding, drifting, swerving. It was scary, even for a drunk girl. I actually did get pulled over, too. But only for going 10 miles over the speed limit. I got off with a warning. After I dropped Ryan off Boyf asked me what my problem was. All I said was "Why do you keep lying to me?" And that's pretty much all I remember of that part of the conversation. I drove Boyf to his house, we argued in the car. He got out and I followed. I grabbed his shirt and ended up ripping it. Eventually I blocked his way to inside of the hosue. I know my behavior wasn't the greatest but I was drunk, and I am the victim. I said a few more things. Called him a lair and cheat. And then next thing I knew I slapped him. Then I woke up on the floor. He had hit me so hard I blacked out. I immediately jumped up, went inside, and got his mother. Her and I stood outside talking, and I was sobering up, for about three hours. He called me literally 30+ times.
I don't know what possessed me to take him back, but I did.
I got drunk again the following Tuesday. I cut myself that night. Boyf got really mad about it.
Then three days ago I wasn't feeling well so Boyf and I just stayed in at his house for the night. I fell asleep really early, while he was cleaning. I woke up a few hurs later to find him passed out next to me, and his phone, alone, on the tv stand. Boyf has a habit of having two girlfriends at once. Sometimes, even three. So i snooped. I had always told him that I would never look through his phone, simply because I knew I wouldn't like what I'd find. And I was right. There was texts of him calling his ex pet names. There were NEW naked pictures of his ex, as well as two other girls. There was even a video of him fuc'king someone else. I gathered my things together and woke him up to tell him I was leaving. He got up and put his shoes on to walk me out. I was standing there with my arms crossed, maybe that's what gave it away, but he was what's wrong. "I'm fine" If my stance didn't give it away, the way I said those two words did. He said something along the lines of "Okay, now I know something's wrong what is it?" I just said, "I'm breaking up with you"He literally grabbed my legs and wouldn't let me leave. I had to instigate him to hurt me in order to leave. The second I did, the texting and the calling started back up again.
Again, I don't know why, but I took him back.
Lately I've found old cnoversations with him, and I've been remembering things that I've mentally blocked out. And it's made itself extremely apparent now.
I don't want to be with him anymore.
I mean, I want to be with someone, so maybe that's why I stick around.
But I don't want to be with this boy.
I've noticed that I try so hard to get what I cant have, and then once I get it.. I'm bored.
Two nights ago I tried breaking up with him again. He was high as a kite, so maybe that's why he reacted the way he did, but he like pinned me down on the bed, layed on top of me, and cried more than I've ever seen a grown man cry. I tried leaving, but he wouldn't let me.
I just can't forgive him for what he's done. He says I need to give it time. But I don't even time would fix this.
I don't think anything will. Ever.
It will never be the same again.
My academic life is shit.
My social life is shit.
Like.. Ugh.
I really just wanted to bit'ch about Boyf.
So I'm done now.
~~More rants to come later!
Normally I'd just write all of what I'm about to down in a journal or something, but due to my extremely nosy boyfriend I feel like this is the best place to vent about life and love and friends and family and all that wonderfully confusing stuff. I honestly don't even know what to write about anymore. I mean, I do know. I just don't want to.
Let's see... I'm finding it nearly impossible to breakup with the boyf. Every time I try he freaks out and refuses to let me leave the hosue. And when I do finally leave, he just texts me. Nonstop. And calls me. Nonstop.
Two weeks ago I got really drunk. I was having a good time. LK And I went skinny dipping in the lake, everyone was smoking, we had the hookah. I was happy. But then LK tells me what her fifteen year old sister was getting creepy Tumblr messages from someone saying things like "I'd kill to have a chance with you" and whatnot. Then that anon gave her their number. It was my boyfs number. Now, he's 21. She's 15. He has a thing for 15 year olds. So I knew it was true. Stupid me grabbed my clothes, and my purse, and drove away. Boyf texted me all pis'sy about causing a scene and I needed to take Ryan home. So I came back got Boyf and Ryan and left to take Ryan home. I was visably pis'sed. I was speeding, drifting, swerving. It was scary, even for a drunk girl. I actually did get pulled over, too. But only for going 10 miles over the speed limit. I got off with a warning. After I dropped Ryan off Boyf asked me what my problem was. All I said was "Why do you keep lying to me?" And that's pretty much all I remember of that part of the conversation. I drove Boyf to his house, we argued in the car. He got out and I followed. I grabbed his shirt and ended up ripping it. Eventually I blocked his way to inside of the hosue. I know my behavior wasn't the greatest but I was drunk, and I am the victim. I said a few more things. Called him a lair and cheat. And then next thing I knew I slapped him. Then I woke up on the floor. He had hit me so hard I blacked out. I immediately jumped up, went inside, and got his mother. Her and I stood outside talking, and I was sobering up, for about three hours. He called me literally 30+ times.
I don't know what possessed me to take him back, but I did.
I got drunk again the following Tuesday. I cut myself that night. Boyf got really mad about it.
Then three days ago I wasn't feeling well so Boyf and I just stayed in at his house for the night. I fell asleep really early, while he was cleaning. I woke up a few hurs later to find him passed out next to me, and his phone, alone, on the tv stand. Boyf has a habit of having two girlfriends at once. Sometimes, even three. So i snooped. I had always told him that I would never look through his phone, simply because I knew I wouldn't like what I'd find. And I was right. There was texts of him calling his ex pet names. There were NEW naked pictures of his ex, as well as two other girls. There was even a video of him fuc'king someone else. I gathered my things together and woke him up to tell him I was leaving. He got up and put his shoes on to walk me out. I was standing there with my arms crossed, maybe that's what gave it away, but he was what's wrong. "I'm fine" If my stance didn't give it away, the way I said those two words did. He said something along the lines of "Okay, now I know something's wrong what is it?" I just said, "I'm breaking up with you"He literally grabbed my legs and wouldn't let me leave. I had to instigate him to hurt me in order to leave. The second I did, the texting and the calling started back up again.
Again, I don't know why, but I took him back.
Lately I've found old cnoversations with him, and I've been remembering things that I've mentally blocked out. And it's made itself extremely apparent now.
I don't want to be with him anymore.
I mean, I want to be with someone, so maybe that's why I stick around.
But I don't want to be with this boy.
I've noticed that I try so hard to get what I cant have, and then once I get it.. I'm bored.
Two nights ago I tried breaking up with him again. He was high as a kite, so maybe that's why he reacted the way he did, but he like pinned me down on the bed, layed on top of me, and cried more than I've ever seen a grown man cry. I tried leaving, but he wouldn't let me.
I just can't forgive him for what he's done. He says I need to give it time. But I don't even time would fix this.
I don't think anything will. Ever.
It will never be the same again.
My academic life is shit.
My social life is shit.
Like.. Ugh.
I really just wanted to bit'ch about Boyf.
So I'm done now.
~~More rants to come later!
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I'm nothing but a head full of dreams, a stomach full of cheap liquor, and a heart of gold.
Over the rainbow, beneath the sea, and under a rock.
Sydney; August 26th, '11. ♥
Over the rainbow, beneath the sea, and under a rock.
Sydney; August 26th, '11. ♥
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